The Last Time

I felt my legs open wider
As I screamed for hours
With impatience and trust.
I knew it was the last time
That I wouldn't see his face
His absence was all I knew
My own personal hell
Of face-down heart break
And temperamental paragraphs.

I let go of every facet
That was once my being
And once my reason
Hoping to cast another shadow
Against my imperfections
Seething beneath the surface
Wishing to not be a burden
But a blessing of love and lust.

I longed for you
Even with weeks of silence.
I ran to you
Even if you ignored me.
I loved you
Even though you didn't love me back.

I've fallen
But this time I'm not in love
I'm in anger
And judgement
Hoping for a brighter day
And a darker shade of red.

This is the last time
I wait by the telephone
And scream at my uselessness.